Most Mormon gay men born 1976, not now—alive on Earth—
Didn’t vanish from AIDS; we killed ourselves before living as
Men might have killed us.
Some, like me at 18, guessed wrong which whole bottle
Of pills would actually work and so somehow survived.
Soon after though—Tomislav Katsuic—you
Somehow showed up to be the young man
I realized I wanted, who could make it all
Worth it for me, who made me want to
Want to be married, regardless of temple
Ceremonies, the 20th Century Supreme
Court, or my family’s would-be-native,
Ersatz Utah gods.
My Mr. Tall-dark-haired-and-twenty!
It wasn’t until just this year, 2021, when
I finally realized your favorite thing about
How I looked next to you, how it must have
Been the same favorite thing as Kamisha’s—
The girl who was my only actual girlfriend
Ever, for a month in high school.
Now—and this is your fault! you did this to
Me!—whenever I catch, in a fleeting
Mirrored reflection, a glimpse of my face
I understand my eyes’ hue to almost
Have been, to in my heart’s heart
And thus are and still ever will be
Eyes the color of Jewish Blue.